It is good to have people who inspire you, but be careful that inspiration does not become a way of comparing yourself.
According to social comparison theory, the comparisons we make are an attempt to evaluate ourselves.
But at what cost?
Comparison can indeed be a source of motivation and growth. Finding someone inspiring, for example, is a good way to motivate yourself to have, do or become better at something.
However, it can also lead to insecurity and low self-esteem. Comparing yourself with others contributes to self-deprecation and is one of the main triggers for low self-esteem.
We tend to compare ourselves with friends, relatives, acquaintances and even strangers. When you compare yourself with others, your view tends to become distorted: you stop seeing your own worth and positive qualities. When you perceive a gap between what you are and what you would like to be, do or have, feelings of shame or guilt.
Recognising that gap hurts. Yes, emotional pain. When you enter a cycle of comparison and believe you should be like the other person, you encourage a sense of inferiority, of being less. The truth is that who others are and what they achieve are beyond your control. But for the sake of your self-esteem, you can learn to stop comparing yourself!
If we compare ourselves and conclude that we are less, we feel inferior and insecure. We then want to hide and withdraw from others so that they do not see us as unlovable or incapable, as we see ourselves. Human connection seems to be cut off.
If we compare ourselves and conclude that we are better, we may feel superior. We may find ourselves unwilling to connect with those we judge to be “below” us, once again weakening human connections. Besides affecting self-esteem, comparison encourages competitiveness and individualism, further affecting our relationships.
The only fair and honest comparison is with ourselves, with our own progress and development. Defining your worth based on someone else's is like driving while watching the lane beside you. It makes no sense and is dangerous. When we commit to our own well-being and recognise the harm we do ourselves through comparison, we can decide to stop. We can choose to treat ourselves with more respect and kindness, as people with positive self-esteem do.
